Finding your non-MD identity is crucial.

This article contains a case study, which is broken up and interspersed throughout. Case study portions are signified by italics.

Ten to 14 years in training — 87,658-122,721 hours. Countless holidays, family celebrations and important milestones missed. Long, hard on-call shifts. Oh, and don’t forget about the student loan debt. Those are some of the harsh realities of fulfilling the dream of becoming a physician.

There is also the white coat, an important symbol of physician training that represents caring, trust, professionalism and authority, according to an essay published in the AMA Journal of Ethics. Short white coats are for medical students until they can don the long white coat when they become physicians. Many hours are spent in that white coat, so it’s no wonder it becomes an integral part of a doctor’s identity. But what happens when it’s time to take that coat off — either by choice as part of a planned exit strategy or by force due to unforeseen circumstances?

HOW TO FIND YOURSELF

As a certified professional coach, I spend a lot of time helping clients to clarify their identity and purpose outside of their work life. While finding pride in our career accomplishments is important, the ability to view ourselves without our professional lens helps us gain clarity around our true “who.” Though this can be difficult, that’s okay.

This article is a case study on the importance of clearly and confidently answering the question, “Who am I?” It’s based on a true story — though the client’s name has been changed — and I hope it’s helpful to anyone who is exploring that question and may be struggling to find an answer.

As a managing partner and busy practicing physician, John had a lot going on and wanted help in creating a strong leadership team. We began a coaching relationship in 2019, and we worked through many challenges, including COVID. John made great progress in his quest to build a solid team of leaders who could be prepared to step up over the next 2-3 years as he planned his transition to retirement. One of the biggest questions I would ask John is, “What will life look like as you slow down from patient care and administrative responsibilities?” Each time his answer was, “Well, that’s a great question, and I’m not sure.”

It’s not at all unusual for people to have a difficult time envisioning what life will look like when work hours decrease. Strategies that can be helpful during these times include:

• A values exercise. Identifying core values that are important to you and finding opportunities to align those to post-working career activities that bring fulfillment and joy.
• Visioning activity. Articulating what future good looks like to you. I often ask clients to share a step-by-step outline of what a day, week or month might look like, requesting specific details and notes on what brought them the most joy, happiness and fulfillment, as well as anything that may have been draining.
• Introduction exercise. Creating an introduction for yourself, as if you are explaining who you are to someone who you’ve never met but is interested in learning more about you. What if I said you can’t include anything about your profession?

CONSCIOUS REINVENTION

John and I continued to work through the question of what life would look like as he slowed down, and he continued to have difficulty finding clarity. All his answers were tied to being a physician. Although he could articulate the importance of and love for his family and friends and his happiness with the hobbies he enjoyed, he always went back to his love of taking care of patients. In time, John identified a few things he would like to do with extra time, including travel and volunteer work. We were making progress!

Identifying your “who” takes time, and it is never too early to start exploring the question. Sometimes, thinking about it may seem overwhelming or even unnecessary. Often, I ask clients to reflect on the following every day:

• What did you do today that didn’t involve being in professional mode?
• How satisfied were you?
• If you had a magic wand, what would your most fulfilling, non-professional day look like?

The point is, this is a process, and there are many ways to approach it. Finding the pathway that brings you clarity, comfort and satisfaction is important.

John’s well-planned transition came to an abrupt halt; a medical issue arose that required his immediate cessation of practicing medicine. We talked several times per week afterward, exploring all options that could help John find peace and manage the overwhelming sense of loss he was feeling. After all, this no longer was his decision or timeline.

Every conversation led back to his belief that his worth and value was deeply rooted in his identity as a doctor. John could say he knew it was for the best that he stopped practicing but struggled with the narratives of what others would think of him, especially patients and staff. We ended a call with the plan for John to take an immediate leave of absence to allow him time to transition in a way that was comfortable for him. Our next scheduled call was in a little over a week, and we would pick back up on his plan.

Creating a safe space to move at your own pace is essential. It’s not unusual to create micro-plans as a stepwise approach to a larger plan. Whenever you may be struggling to solve a problem or come up with the right answer, ask yourself, “What is one thing I could do now that I would be comfortable with and would help me take a step forward?”

PLEASE DON’T WAIT

A phone call came from John’s partner shortly after 6 a.m. “I don’t know how to say this other than to just say it. John is dead. He took his own life early this morning.” The person I had come to know as a loving husband, father, grandfather, brother, church leader and friend with a unique self-deprecating sense of humor and abundance of care for others was gone. Of all the ways I would describe and remember John, doctor was at the end of the list. But it didn’t matter how I saw him. It was his journey, not mine.

Not everyone struggles with answering the question, “Who am I?” But if you do, now is the time to do something about it. Having a proactive approach and creating a plan is crucial. It’s wonderful to be passionate about being a doctor and love what you do — but don’t let it define you. It’s never too soon to explore your identity and ensure that when the white coat comes off, you’re happy, satisfied, confident and fulfilled by what’s underneath. OM

Laura Baldwin CPC, ELI-MP, RN, is a senior consultant at BSM Consulting with more than 25 years of experience in health care. Her areas of focus include strategic planning, identification and implementation of operational improvements, teaching and training and executive and leadership coaching.