As I See It

Worse things than going to the dogs

They can be loud, smelly, bold and sloppy, but their pets are always welcome.

By Paul S. Koch, MD, Editor Emeritus

This is a real e-mail exchange I was copied on recently: “Can I put up a sign saying no animals allowed unless they are a service animal? I spoke with the Board of Health and there is no ruling as far as dogs being allowed in the office. She says it is up to the doctors in the practice to make this ruling.”

I guess we have patients who channel Paris Hilton and her chihuahua Tinkerbelle, and tuck their little dears under their sweaters when they come to see us. From the e-mails, it appears there are some in my office who think four-footed babies ought not to be welcome, perhaps from some concern about sanity and cleanliness.

LOUD, SMELLY AND BOLD

I know a bit about small breeds that double as accessories, and the ones I know tend to be quiet, groomed and demure. I wish I could say the same for some memorable patients who are comparatively loud, smelly and bold.

I have a great friend who is an ophthalmologist for the doggy set and his patients are well behaved, arrive on time and pay their bills with cash or check. Perhaps his patients’ mommies and daddies are so used to bringing Mr. Tickletummy to his eye doctor’s office that they just naturally let him tag along when they come to ours, too.

As I like both dogs and cats, I do find the occasional pet a welcome distraction during a busy day. It certainly is a more interesting than the young matrons who cannot be separated from their water bottles. After being told that we will perish unless we drink 10,000 ounces of water a day, they dutifully buy bottles by the gross, and to hit their quota feel the need to sip every 20 to 30 seconds.

We say, “Which is better, one or two?” They pull back, take a sip, come back in and say, “Can you do that again?” And just as you do they sit back and take another gulp.

CAFFEINATED REFRACTIONS

That pales in comparison to the coffee drinker. Rhode Island averages a donut shop every two miles, and so many patients fortify themselves with coffee on the way to the office. After all, they might have to wait a bit and must stay awake!

If they finish the drink, they put the cup on the floor, hiding it under their seats so they won’t kick it over. Every few hours our staff has to go out coffee cup collecting. However, if any coffee is left, patients will bring it into the exam room and try to balance it as they are examined. Whenever the chin hits the rest, some coffee hits the floor.

If the generation frequenting our establishment wants to take sips of water or coffee or bring their little darlings with them, it’s no big deal to me. If my doggy doctor friend can handle it, so can I. I only wish that in our office, like his, they ended the visit by dropping off a check or some green. Then I could have the carpets cleaned. OM

Paul S. Koch, MD is editor emeritus of Ophthalmology Management and the medical director of Koch Eye Associates in Warwick, RI. His e-mail is pskoch@clarisvision.com.