Viewpoint FROM THE CHIEF MEDICAL EDITOR

My Life as a Movie

Paul S. Koch, M.D.

Ken Kesey and his hippie band of Merry Pranksters used to enjoy life by picturing each day as though they were starring in their own movie. They would imagine every action and encounter as though someone else were watching it on a screen. A good day for them would have action, drama, suspense and, of course, comic relief.

Which brings us to my recent refractive consultation with an apparently brilliant scientist, new to America and still struggling with our language. He had a yellow legal pad filled with notes and a stack of pages printed from the Internet. He explained he did not have much money and wanted to be sure the investment in his eyes would be a good one.

He had a lot of questions about complications — oddly, he concluded each question with a slight lift in his voice, as though hopeful. Finally, he had one last question.

"Doctor, if I don't like the results of the operation, how much money do I get?"

When I seemed puzzled, he excitedly showed me a stack of printouts. "It says here that you must carry something called malpractice insurance, and if I have any problems I make a claim and you give me money. How much money can I get? I really need some."

"Oh gosh, I'm sorry," I replied. "The insurance policy I have only gives you money if I treat you while I'm drunk. If I was sober and you had a problem, my policy states that you cannot file a claim."

He paused, then brightened up and smiled. "Do you drink a lot?" he asked hopefully.

"No, sorry," I said.

"Do you think you could get drunk before doing my operation?"

"No."

He seemed sad for a moment, hesitated, and then spoke slowly. "I'm sorry for taking up so much of your time, but do you think you could you could recommend one of your colleagues who does drink?"

Coming Attractions

I smiled and imagined a hidden camera filming my day's movie. Kesey was right. If you make an imaginary movie every day, then work becomes a lot more fun. Yesterday my movie was a heavy and tedious melodrama. The day before it was a foreign language film with subtitles. Today I made a nice little comedy.

I'm in surgery tomorrow, so I should be making an action/adventure movie. I just hope the plot twists are minimal and it doesn't turn into a scary thriller.

Pau