viewpoint
Retake the Board Exam Now? Me?

As one of America's esteemed senior ophthalmologists, defined as one who holds a lifetime board certification, I empathize with those who hold time-limited certification. Every 10 years they have to study for a new exam, cramming and crib-sheeting, memorizing obscure facts that in a decade of practice they have never once needed to know. Perhaps I shall urge them on with words of encouragement, these suffering souls, or perhaps I shall leave them to their studies, lest I am embarrassed by a question tossed my way.

I would take the test again myself, I posture; I could be studying and testing again, just as in my youth. But the thought of taking a new board exam gives me the woolies, and I shudder to think that one day I might need to do it. I am frightened that I have forgotten too much since my last test to be able to pass another. Avoiding a new test has become my best strategy for keeping my certification.

Can I Choose Who Will Write the Exam?

Civic-minded individuals such as I like to help society by spending tax-deductible dollars on essentials such as a private suite at the University of Rhode Island's Ryan Center. Recently, while watching a basketball game, surrounded by people who need tax-deductible entertaining, I realized that I might pass a new certification exam if the test were written by a former Rhody Ram assistant coach, now recently fired from a different university. It seems this gentleman taught a college course on basketball coaching and strategies. Somehow the student-athletes skipped all the classes and still got As by doing well on the final exam.

The exam was recently released as part of an NCAA investigation, and on it are 20 questions. They include such toughies as "How many points is a 3-point basket worth?" It also asked the students the color of their uniforms, the name of the facility where they played, and who was the most influential coach in their career. (Hint, the correct answer was the fellow giving the test.)

If that coach wrote the re-certification board examination, maybe I wouldn't be afraid to take it again. Let's see, "How many eyes are in a pair of eyes?" he might ask. I hope it's multiple choice.